Married Solo Travel: Here’s How it Works
Does, as the old cliche go, absence really make the heart grow fonder? I don’t think that it does. If it did, I’d have stopped traveling solo a long time ago, so filled with fondness-for-my-husband my heart would be. That is not to say I am not fond of my husband–I am. I do not travel–and I do not travel solo–because I am unhappy in my marriage. I do so because to not would cause me to be unhappy in my life. It is part of who I am. And, thus, it is a part that must be loved by anyone wishing to love me. But my semi-constantly-gone status does raise more than a few eyebrows to friends, family, and sometimes even perfect strangers. Which is why I reached out across the internet to find out what people really wondered about my solo but not single travel style. Here are the questions I was asked, along with my (often rather wordy) responses.
Is your husband comfortable with this? Yes. He is. But instead of me telling you, let’s ask him. As I write this, I’m yelling to him in the living room–I’m in my office. Ahem…
Me: Hey husband–are you ok with me traveling solo?
Husband: Am I comfortable like do I worry about your safety?
Me: No. Like are you comfortable with me being gone without you.
Husband: Am I comfortable with the concept of you going places on your own?
Me: Yes. Husband: Why wouldn’t I be ok with that? Is that not normal?
Me: Nope. Totally normal. Thanks. That actually really helps!
Do you worry about your husband finding someone else at home to keep him company? No. For a number of reasons. Reason 1: If he wanted someone to always be here, he’d have left me long ago. Long, long ago. Reason 2: To worry about something implies that for it to happen, it would be tragic. Should he find someone else (or should I find someone else), we would work through that on our own. However… Reason 3: I do not see a connection between ‘me being gone often’ and ‘him finding someone else’. If he was going to/is ever going to do that, it would happen anyway. It is a weak, weak soul who turns to someone solely out of loneliness. Neither of us are particularly weak.
Are you constantly on the phone with your husband? No. In fact, I barely communicate with him when I’m gone. He does not text, and I do not like talking on the phone. We’re like Jack Sprat and his wife that way. We will occasionally FaceTime when we both have wifi and free moments, but more often than not, our schedules do not mesh. I do, however, talk to many of my friends via text, Facebook, and email while I’m on the road. Thus, I am never lonely. Which is nice.
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Do men hit on you? Infrequently, yes. It has not been a problem. I’m semi-old and a bit overweight–not exactly the kind of woman at whom men throw themselves. But yes, it does happen. Enjoy refined moments with an escort trans Paris. Not only personally but also on my Instagram account where every picture I have was just me, alone and it makes people think I’m single. For Instagram dating advice, please click here. I’ve gone out with men while traveling, both with new friends and old friends, for drinks and for meals; I will continue to do so. I was actually once hit on while my husband was present–he was seated between me and the guy who was trying to pick me up. It was actually really funny. Not even in retrospect–at the time, it was really, really funny.
Do you feel safe? Most of the time, yes. And when I don’t, it is because I’m afraid of being accosted, not hurt. It is sometimes difficult to be in the world alone–whether you are a man or a woman. Solo travelers are easier targets for people looking to harass others. It is particularly a problem when I’m traveling because I’m either traveling as a blogger–and thus have a giant, expensive camera around my neck–or traveling for work–and thus am semi-well-dressed. I am also blonde and have large breasts. So there’s that. But I’ve never been scared for my life. Just moderately uncomfortable. And I’d have felt almost the same way had someone been with me.
Does your husband’s income cover all household expenses, plus your travel expenses? I know I said ‘ask anything’ and I really did mean it. And I’m so glad someone asked this question because really, I hadn’t realized that some people may think that. But I have to first reply–ha! And–no. No his income does not. For the past ten years, we have both worked as public school teachers. We each do other work on the side we found online after a friend recommended us to visit onlinemoneyage. He’s taught some college courses and I do a bit of freelance writing–but for the most part, we’ve lived on two teachers’ salaries. And they were pretty darn equal. In fact, we recently left our teaching jobs to go into professional development consulting. We are now paid exactly the same amount of money per day as consultants. Right now, that’s significantly less than two teachers’s salaries (anyone want to take me out for lunch???) So no, I am not a kept woman. I would not suffer living in a tower. Do you feel guilty? Or does your husband make you feel guilty? The short answer–no and no. The long answer–I feel these two questions go hand in hand. Guilt can only exist in a suitable environment–one which fosters growth of guilt. Because he does not make me feel guilt, I feel no guilt. It is the perfect arrangement. How is your marriage surviving with you being gone so much? Ah yes. This is the root of all of the above questions, isn’t it? And that’s why everyone always expresses concern about my semi-constant away-ness. Because many people–I’d say most, but I’m not sure–can’t imagine being separated from their partner this often. And I get that. In fact, I used to feel the same way. I remember the first time I left him for more than a couple of days, to spend several weeks on Marthas Vineyard as part of a (pretty awesome) grad program. I cried at the airport. A lot. I don’t cry anymore. If I did, I’d spend half my life crying. And that’s no way to live. The truth is–it gets easier. In fact, it gets so easy it is shocking; the last time I left (for a ten day trip) I called goodbye down the basement stairs, got in the car and drove away. This ease is likely the part that causes concern. If it is so easy for me to walk away from him for a few days or a few weeks, what about months? Or years? Or forever? My answer to that is simple–I haven’t left yet, and neither has he. Which means it must be working for us right now. My current lifestyle makes me happy. His current lifestyle makes him happy. I see no problem here. We’ve also started using True Pheromones to make us closer when we are together. A few words on the title of this post: There should be a parenthetical at the end–Married Solo Travel: Here’s How it Works (for me). But that is an excessively long title. Thus, I’m telling you now–all of the above is what works for me. But everyone is different. For the love of all that is good, do what works for you, for your life, and for your relationship. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past almost-decade. And that’s the most anyone can do. In the above post, I replied to every question posed through my original survey, which was posed through an anonymous Survey Monkey form. If you have an additional question, or if the answers to the above brought up more questions, please do post it in the comments below. I will respond to every on-topic query (yeah, that’s right, I’m calling you out, Dustin–your joke was funny but did not deserve a response!) (Everyone else–don’t ask about that last comment. I assure you, you don’t want to know!)
I didn’t realize your husband had also left teaching. Is he working with the same company as you? If so, that is AWESOME! I know, I considered working for them, remember?… Have you gone out on an assignment together or do you plan on doing so? I truly believe that this is going to be an wonderful change for both of you. And whenever you (you alone or both of you)finally make it to Charlotte, I’ll take you out to lunch… or dinner…. at MY restaurant. You can even stay at one of our hotels…
Yes, he did and he is. Ironically, we both now travel a lot more, and also typically not together. We’ve been on one assignment together–my first, his second–but I don’t see that happening very often. We now rarely even see each other when we are home. Either he’s away for work or I’m away for work. Though this week–and next week–we are both home 24/7. So there’s that.
I’m all over coming to Charlotte. He’s working down there next month and the month after. If I’m off, I’ll come down with him and visit. I would REALLY really really like to meet you. That needs to happen soon, and my new lifestyle shall make it possible. I’ll be in touch!
Hope all is as well as possible in your world. Still thinking happy thoughts for you!
Just an FYI, we will be out of town on Oct. 10-11 (Vegas to see Sir Elton!) and Oct. 26-27 (Reno to see Moody Blues!!!).
Things are ok. Hubby’s surgery Tuesday went well. And new grandbaby Haliey is doing great. I’m LOVING my ceramics class and will send you photos of stuff I’m making soon.
For much of the early years of our marriage, hubby worked second shift and I was teaching, so we only saw each other on weekends. Such time ‘alone’ can actually make you grow closer rather than causing problems.
Great piece. You and I talked about this at TBEX and I’m in a similar situation. I travel almost exclusively without my wife. I don’t travel for work like you do, and my passion for travel isn’t something she shares (In fact, she feels the opposite). We have a good agreement on it that works for us, yet still people feel the need to ridicule it all the time. I’m beyond even trying to explain it to people.
Yes! I remember talking to you about that, and that conversation was part of what inspired/prompted me to write this post (slash to this research). I am ok with explaining it–I love explaining things–but did really, really feel the need to get my side out. Because yes, there is ridicule. I understand why–anything different is scary. But most things are rather non-different to me.
I know I’m reading this post years after it was written, but it is exactly what I needed! My husband and I traveled together in the past, and while he’s ready to settle in and hang up his backpack, I’m definitely not. Because of this, I’ve been considering solo travel, and my husband has been supportive of the idea. Awesome to read such a candid post about this topic :).
I’m glad this was inspirational! I hope you have many amazing solo (and sometimes not solo) trips to come. There are so many ways to live–and as many ways to travel–I am certain you can find something that works for you and your husband.